Marriage Is Not the Cure for Singleness

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about couples who share the celebrations of their wedding anniversaries. It gives hope to us who are newly married and to those who have yet to marry either for the first time or God is allowing you to try it one more time. Some couples only ask us to celebrate with them and some actually write love notes to each other acknowledging how their love endured through the good times and the bad times. I think did they say bad times as well as good times? Yes, they did and no they do not have to share any details with us – it’s their business. The point is I have read feedback, at times, from those who indicate that couples should not depict, in their pictures, that they are living in a blissful heaven of happiness. Any couple that has been together for a period of time has experienced good times and bad times in some form or fashion.

In talking with some of my single friends, I see a reflection of myself before marrying my husband five years ago. I thought, all I have to do is just find the right man or have the right man find me and all my single issues will be over. Don’t forget to remember, the issues that you bring to the relationship, kindly multiply that times two because he/she may bring the same ones or more. Now here’s the thing, when you marry your best friend, when you marry a person who is committed, even through the bad times, then the entire relationship becomes a different journey of teamwork, partnership, and a lifelong determination to get through any situation as long as we get through it together. And you will not be interested in sharing the bad times because you are so excited you are still travelling on the journey together.

I encourage single women or men to refrain from that feeling about those who are already married have somehow found the cure for singleness. Some may choose to disagree but anything that is successful requires work, planning, communicating, and more work. I hear couples who are married and wish they were single. I hear singles who wish they were married. Neither transition is the solution for your happiness.

Instead of looking for a cure all, manage your happiness where you are right now. If you can manage your happiness as a single person, you can manage your happiness as a married person. If you continue to place your happiness in one day meeting that person who is going to solve all your loneliness issues, your financial issues, and your ‘need someone in the bed’ with me issues, think of how extremely disappointed and let down you will be if they do not meet your expectations. And God help you when you think you’ve met your soulmate and you have your first ‘heated fellowship’.

Marriage is an institution to which God holds near and dear to his heart. Consider changing your perspective about marriage. It is not the same as taking a broken car to a shop for fixing. Marriage is not an issue resolution ceremony – it is a journey in which you travel with that one special person who says, perfect or imperfect, good times or bad, ups or downs, wrong or right, we are going to make this work and be pleasing in the eyesight of God. Love and marriage is not about feelings or convenience – love and marriage is about commitment. And that is why those couples I wrote about in the beginning reach those marriage anniversary celebrations – they were not looking for a cure – they were looking for someone to travel the journey with them.

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Mother, grandmother, wife, daughter, sister, motivational speaker, minister, published author, corporate executive, NFL sports fan. In relationships, my passion is to inspire and encourage – healing the hearts of women one heartbeat at a time.  Leadership is successful when it entails more influencing and empowering and less dictating.

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